The Scented Soap Shop

Everybody loves some good smelling soap. Soap is to people's nostrils what friction is to their genitals... in other words, terrific. Nothing relaxes me me more after a stressful day than a stroll through a soap shop, and I often find myself thinking, I wonder what it would be like if I owned this shop?

The answer? Amazing.

One day I am going to open a scented soap shop. Nothing too flashy. A little yellow house off the beaten path. A place that travelers will hear about from friends and friends of friends. No, it won't be easy to find. They'll drive through some scenic part of the countryside until they just happen to come upon a local walking along the side of the road. They'll pull their car over and ask, "Excuse me, I've heard there's a wonderful scented soap shop somewhere around here? Could you point the way?"

The local will give those travelers a friendly smile and point them in my direction. "Take this road until you come to an old farm with two llamas. Then roll down your windows and just follow the scent of cinnamon until you get there."

The travelers will thank the old man and drive off.

There's always a dish of peppermint candies in my shop, and a bowl of warm milk left out incase a stray tabby cat happens to wander in. It's a place where there is light classical music playing in the background, except during Christmas, when nothing but old Christmas carols are played. A cheerful little bell tinkles when customers enter, and tinkles again when they leave.

"Come again!" I will say when they leave.

"We will." says the customer, and they mean it.

The shop will be a place where if something falls and breaks, the customer offers to pay, but I will say, "That's alright! The place was getting crowded anyway." Then we both chuckle and eat a peppermint.

That's the kind of place I'm going to open. And it's going to sell scented soaps.

What kind of scents? Every kind. Cinnamon, pumpkin spice, kiwi, rain forest. A rain forest soap? Yes. Hell yes.

Of course, a scented soap shop needs a name, and I've thought of one for mine. Every good shop has a pun in the name, and mine is no exception. I'll call it Modern Thymes Scented Soap Shop. The sign will be hand painted in medieval writng with a portrait of me dressed as a court jester, and then underneath the name there'll be a slogan: "smell the difference."

Cute, right?

It will have an American Flag soap that smells like victory. I don't know exactly what it would smell like... maybe a combination of burned hair and marshmallows.

Anyways, it's really going to be great. Maybe it'll become a tourist attraction. Maybe i'll attach a little restaurant , the Thyme cafe, where people can buy lunch and souvenirs. Like tshirts that say, "I had a great thyme at the Modern Thymes Scented Soap Shop" or that sort of thing.

I've certainly thought about it, and I hope one day I will actually get off my ass and do it! Everybody has a dream. Opening an adorable scented soap shop is mine.

Of course, the whole thing will really just be a front for dealing cocaine.